Why I'll never post content just for parents.
When I found out I was pregnant, there was a new part of me that was born. I was a mom. I would die for my child. I would kill for my child. I would do ANYTHING to protect her and give her the best life possible. I think all parents experience this, but I also think there is a ton of pressure to change your identity once you become a parent, especially when you share so much of your life on social media. The truth is, I didn't change that much.
Disclaimer
I am blessed to be in a wonderful marriage. My husband shares all the responsibilities with me, from cleaning to diaper changes. My commute to work is 20 minutes. I am able to bring my daughter to my day job and skip daycare completely. I have a lot of privileges as a mom that so many single mothers, working mamas or families stuck in a cycle of poverty do not get. I know this. I can only speak to this from my point of view and I hope that this blog post doesn't come off as a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of vibe. I'm going for the "you can do this, mama" kind of vibe. Kk?
Misconceptions
Ask any mom anywhere if they feel like they changed when they had babies. I think you'll find a theme that looks like this; "yes, I'm a different person".
That's what we're supposed to say. We created a whole entire person, that should change ya a bit. We create entirely new identities surrounding this new tiny creature because we are now labeled differently by everyone. So, when we feel like our lives are still sorta the same, guilt can creep in.
"Maybe I'm not prioritizing my kid enough"
"Am I being selfish if I still take time for myself?"
"Is it wrong to get a babysitter when I need to get stuff done?"
Becoming a parent is a big change. Your house gets a little messier, your schedule is a little tighter and you have a tiny crazy person that wants (and needs) constant attention. But... does that mean everything in your life needs an overhaul?
Think about any other big change in your life - a marriage, a move, a job change, a death. There's always a time of transition as we settle into our new normal. There's always some discomfort and growing pains, but most of the time, things settle back into the way they were before with a few minor tweaks.
It's okay to be the same
I get questions (a lot) about making content to cater to moms. How do you schedule your day "as a mom"? How do you budget "as a mom"? How do you keep the house clean "with kids".
I struggle to answer these questions because the answer feels wrong, somehow. How do I do XYZ? The same dang way I've always done it. How do I keep up with laundry? I do a little every day. How do I still run my business? I batch content. How do I work a job with a little one? I just go to work.
Yes, admittedly, the details of these look a little different, but in all honesty, my life hasn't changed much since I had my daughter and that's okay!
My identity as a mom hasn't affected my content because I still do the same things I've always done. I use the same apps, the same productivity methods, the same routines. They are all built with a little more flexibility but that's it. (And I post a ton of photos of Ev because I'm obsessed with her little face, sorry Instagram followers).
Highlighting the problems
The biggest lesson I learned as a new mama, is that a baby doesn't solve any problems (unless the problem is that you want a baby). A baby magnifies everything that's already there. The problems you dealt with pre-baby are still there, but now they're just harder to fix. Your schedule gets crazier, you get more tired and there's a new priority that pushes many projects to the back burners.
If you didn't already find solutions to keep your house organized, or find methods to approach mom-guilt, when your baby is born, all the problems you had before will seem even bigger.
My job is to help people solve these problems. If you feel overwhelmed with your emails, having a baby is going to leave you with less time to read through them. If you're drowning in chores, extra kids are just going to pile on the workload.
My business isn't catered to ONLY single women or ONLY mamas, because my content is built for people who just want to simplify their lives.
Blah blah blah, give me something actionable.
I didn't develop some incredible organizational system for new moms. I do have a simple process, though, that has made parenting and "doing it all" a little easier.
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Schedule a self-care day.
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Schedule a date-day
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Schedule a planning day
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Schedule a batch day
For everyone, these days might look different, or even mean different things. These are how I work my "key days" into each month and what I do on each day:
Self Care
My husband and I each get one day a month where we are not required to do chores, take care of the pets or take care of the baby. Whether we sit all day long and play video games or get 800 things checked off our to-do list, this is a day where some of the responsibilities of life are not our problem. This not only allows us a little mental break but the chance to feel well-rested and serve each other well.
If you're a single pringle, schedule this day AFTER your batch day (see below) or hire a housekeeper, use food delivery and dog walking services on this one day each month so that you truly don't have to do anything! (You can even pre-schedule those services on your batch day).
Date Day
Whether you're married, single, dating, or whatever in between, scheduling a day to get out of the house and do something fun is always a good idea. Especially during the winter, we tend to stay at home and never go anywhere. This gives us the chance to grab dinner with some friends, spend the day at the zoo, go out for date night, or even take a long weekend away.
Planning Day
My husband is in school and I'm running a small business. Having a day where we can sit down and figure out our schedules, assignments, projects, and tasks have helped us be more organized and more in-sync with each other's schedules. Planning day usually only takes an hour or less, but it's on our calendar toward the end of every month so that we can plan some of the following for the upcoming month:
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Meals for the month
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Assignments, projects, and tests for my husband
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Planning these monthly rest days
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Planning birthdays, events and dinners with friends or family
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Updating our budget and planning the budget for the upcoming month
Batch Day
I did a whole video about this, so I won't go into too much detail here. The idea is to do all those tasks you hate doing on this day. Schedule doctor appointments and grocery shopping on this day. Running all the errands you've been putting off and deep clean all the things you hate cleaning. Batch day is a day to get caught up on all the "adulting" things we tend to put off.
Scheduling these key days each month has helped me to batch my busy work into set days and be able to genuinely rest and enjoy my family during the week. It's given me the chance to plan for a purpose and not just for the sake of feeling productive.
If you are a mom and you enjoy my content, but want me to post more "for parents" - just know that I see and hear you. This content is for you. You can simplify and organize and plan well whether you have a baby in your belly or you're running a group home.
Your identity as a mom doesn't have to hurt your sanity. Don't let the seemingly perfect Instagram mom make you feel like your failing. If you can function well and feel comfortable in your home, that's all that matters. And if you're not there yet, I hope I can help you get there.
